you know when i was a kid i used to pronounce hi as ‘hee’ as i thought it was the right pronunciation. i learned it from archie comics so everytime i met my friends i said ‘hee dolly’ , ‘hee shelly’ , ‘hee aditi’ (my best friends at that time;when i was 10) and they all said ‘hee karuna’ to me in return because obviously human being is a born copycat and we dont really think twice before copying others blindly.

gawd. i feel so stupid when i think back on those times. i was so so so weird!. and i used to declothe all my barbies as soon as i opened them and put them to sleep.

and i used to watch a lot of x -files at that time although i dint understand 99% of what was going on but i still saw it nonetheless.

iam writing this post so that you guys who open this occassionaly will understand how i am and how i was and what are my likes and dislikes and what i do for time pass. basically like sheldon from the big bang theory i am conduction an interview with myself and posting it online.

no i mean it will serve a purpose cuz you know you might understand my sense of humour which is basically pretty slapstick. and awesome. and i laugh on all my jokes and can make myself laugh when i am sad.

 so i mean if you are going through the process of reading all the stuff i write you might as well also understand it from my point of view.

yeah ok, so

first my current likes.

1. hrithik roshan

2.lemon tarts and muffins. eating them and baking. i am totally loving baking these days.

3. the songs ‘ishq risk’ and ‘desi boys’ and ‘chammak challo’ and ‘dildaraa’ and ‘stereo hearts’

4. the x factor…that show where they judge you based on your looks and personality rather than your talent. the one with simon cow is well and nicole pussycat doll. its quite entertaining.

5. a new sitcom launched on zee cafe called better with you. its quite funny and i enjoyed it.

6. all things gold. i bought a lot of gold stuff(not actual gold but stuff that looks like gold) from delhi haat. heart?  and nice colorful chunnis. to wear on my cousins wedding.

7. nude pumps. although i havent managed to buy a nice of heels ever. i mean i dont have any color heels. i just wear flats all the time. im quite bored of flats now so i plan a buy nice sexy heels soon.

8. growing my nails. but i think im gonna cut them today as im a little bored of my long nails.

9. family guy. its so retarded.

10. three dogs in my neighbourhood who i have recently befriended called  eespotty , eesmall doggie(hes a puppy) and blackie. a shiny black quite cute female doggie who likes to nibble on peoples flesh/fat so ppl get scared of her but i know that she is just expressing her love, i mean even i bite people i like. its natural.

11. watching cookery shows. like nigella lawson , bitchin kitchen, fabulous cakes, rachel allen etc. basically TLC

yeah so thats my current fav list.

my all time favourites are

1. hrithik roshan

2. finding nemo the movie. ok my top 6 movies are finding nemo>the princess and the frog>bambi>the incredibles>haathi mere saathi>marley and me.

3. bhindi and palak and gobi and rajma and kurlure masala munch and lays masala magic and cheese toast and apples and oranges and mangoes and pizzas and pastas.

4. watching tv .my favourite channels are animal planet, nat geo, star world, zee cafe,TLC and discovery.

5. animals. i absolutely adore them. thats why i turned vegetarian and shunned leather and all animal products except ofcourse milk, cheese ,paneer. like i just dont use stuff that has been tested on animals or which is made out of killing animals. thats why i dont go to KFC anymore. it stinks of  murder there.

6. talking on the phone.

7. shopping. i can shop the entire day and not get bored. i specially love shoes and bags and jewellery and clothes and cute little purple things.

8. the color purple. and black.

9. eating. like spicy stuff. khatta things. and basically fiery things.  dont like sweet much.

10. i love having a bath in the bath tub for hourse. ofcourse i cant relax much in it cuz iam constantly scared of any anaconda/giant squid/shark/weird mutant animal things eating/attacking me whistle i have a lazy bath so iam always alert and i keep pushing the bubbles back to make sure that no such entity is there. but still then i like waddling in the bath tub.

11. i like listening to music while iam having a bath,

12. reading while in the bathroom.

13. role playing. acting. i have done 4 dramas in my life and i throughly enjoyed them. but not like i want to be an actor or anything. i just like copying people. and also making fun of the way they talk,walk,eat etc.

14. not doing my homework and not studying. i love doing that.

15.checking out furniture.

16. amitabh bacchan.

17.fooling my family with made up stories.

18. travelling. i went to this nanitaal trip all by myself. it was fun. and although i havent travelled much but i quite like the idea of going backpacking all around the globe.

19. reading books. and writing poems. and stories. iam trying to write atleast 20 poems so that i can give it for publishing. hopefully.

20. buying gifts for people and then keeping it for myself.

21. painting and drawing. but not THAT much. like moderate.

22. trains.

23.twirling my hair.

24. milk. i like milk. and all milk products.

25. i like listening and telling jokes.

26. sleeping late. ideally. but i dont do that cuz it destroys grey cells responsible for your intelligence.

27. doing make up.

28.i looooooove chai. and coffee.

29. haldirams ki bhujiya.

30. winters and a hot cup of cocoa in my hands and watching my fav movie on the tv with my family. aah, bliss.

31. falling in love. its so exiting.

32. daydreaming.

33.pedicures and massages and aaram farmana.

34. dressing up my brother as a girl. once i forced make up on him by emotionally blackmailing him and he gave in but poor thing cried.

35. sleeping all alone in a sft bed.

36.chawal carbs basically.

37. nature. i like spending time outside the house. in some green place. rolling off small cliffs. once recently i had gone to wutab minar and there for fun i decided to roll down a hill so i did but obviously people dont expect a grown up girl to come rolling a hilltop going ‘wa waw waw wa waw a weeeeee’ anymore. so people started laughing at me. but im so cam that i dint care and rolled again. and obviously second time no one gave it much attention and thankfully at the bottom of the hill when i stopped, i stopped right before a piece og dog shit and saved my face. see’? courage pays off. bhagwan bhi saath deta hai.

38. listening to stories.

ok. now what i dislike.

1. liars. dishonest people. people who think they are too cool who ridicule others. ppl who talk in a fake accent. ppl who are cruel to animals and buy animal fur. ppl who take life toooo seriously. corrupt ppl. like from inside. people who are people pleasers. cowards, ppl who dont like change. ppl who are misers, ppl who are cruel and rude to their parents.

2. blackberry.

3.peanuts.

4.burps and farts in public.

5.body odour.

ok. gawd, iam tired of writing.

il continue this soon .

k.

i have been interning at Ernst and young (gurgaon)this month and right now im writing this post from office. Obviously iam not flaky or kaamchor or anything its just that people dont have any work to give me today.   i had slight work in the morning and i took extra time to complete it so that i can savour not getting bored but the guy who had given it to me told me to hurry up.

so at this very moment iam way bored out of my skull. i am afraid to talk on the phone which the office provides because i think it might be like listened to. so i dont want to do any personal talks on it lest i say something inappopriate which i generally mostly do in most of my conversations.

also, there isnt any eye candy on my floor to drool on. theres only one guy on this entire 3rd floor who i think is mega cute but he is pretty short in height so that eliminates him from the extreme cute guy category.

also facebook and gmail is blocked so all i can do is study which i have been doing since 9 in the morning but now im just too bored. so i read the plots of  ‘the prestige’ (apparently awesome movie) and ‘brokeback mountain’.

anyway

so talking about how love is blind.

yeah so. yes ….love is blind. hmm.

ok, ill give you examples.

i once had a crush on mohammad sami!! that pakistani baller from their cricket team. i was so in love with him that i stayed back home from school pretending to be down ( girly problems) and then watched the match.

i loved to see his red (streaked) hair flying in the sun when he balled(is that the right terminology?) really fast.

i sighed and oohed and aahed and imagined myself with him going to parties and all after winning a match.

when i told my mother she said that he looked like a cycle mechanic. and hopefully i wont get a similar looking guy or remotely similar looking guy home professing my desire to be tied in the matrimonial chains with him.

but i got over him soon when i fell in love with my with ugly as hell maths teacher.

get this.

1. he was a math teacher and wrote on the blackboard with both his hands.

2.he punished me for writing ‘gai hamari mata hai aur humko maths nahin aata hai’ on the blackboard.

3. flunked me in maths. once.

4. he was half bald.

5. he was short.

6. he was married with a daughter whom he called gunjan and i told him on his face what a sucky name it was. he was a lilttle shocked but compensated it by saying how funny my name was.

7.he had a thick moustache.

8. he had big bulging eyes.

9.he had bad breadth.

10. people called him hitler.

11. he rode a phat phatiya scooter. which went phat phat phat phat phat.

12. his sir name was pandya. similar to the curse word kaniya. or kandiya.

and yet

i looooooooved him.

i once stood in the same position (i thought i looked pretty) for half an hour so that i could look at him.

and in class i never really learned any math cuz i was always busy staring at him to concentrate on work.

he went away soon.

ok….so now the not romantic examples of how love is blind.

again. il give u a math teacher explanations.

i had a math teacher. in class 11.

he was f*** ugly.

like he looked like a starved snake who had an atom bomb explosion in the lower half of his face and then went under a road roller and then starved again.

matlab. ok. he had hollow cheeks. teeth like piano keys stuck in his mouth.

small slits for eyes. on which he wore really ugly spects.

a HUGE rather HUMANGOUS(why doesnt it have auto correct) nose out of which he sucked in most of the oxygen in the air.

and he laughed like a bafoon. or say a hyena. matlab he had a really bad laugh.

obviously at first he looked mega ugly to me.

but soon as we developed a friendship and he helped me in maths and laughed on most of my jokes,….the ugliness just went away. because i started loving him for who he was. a nice soul trapped in an ugly body.

and so after some time when one of my friends commented on his looks and called him a monkey , i was so offended that i had a semi fight with her. i couldnt see the ugliness at all. the huge nose started looking normal and the laugh seemed nothing out of the extraordinar. and his eyes looked normal.

he dint seem ugly anymore . why? cuz id developed affection for him. not love love…but platonic love ofcourse. i have obviously forgotten his name.

so with love….looks and physical appearance fade into the back ground and for the forst time we connect with the real person inside.

so please dont be quick to judge people from the way the look. the ‘ugly’ ones are generally a far better quality of good human beings because they are more humble and grateful and dont take things in life for granted. because they have to prove themselves to the world. they dont get things easily because they are not good looking. iam not joking. its the truth,

generally, if you notice you would always want to be friends with the good looking attractive people and will hardly pay any attention to the not so good looking ones. you would want to know their names, their likes and dislikes. etc.

so, if you want to make a persons day, tell them they are beautiful , inside and out.

the outside will loose its lustre but the beauty inside is for eternity. please value it. and stop paying attention to how ur hair is looking! i mean do pay attention to your body…but dont obssess about it. dont kill yourself to be thin. dont undergo surgeries to look like angelina jolie(shes a freak of nature) and dont go to dr., batras hair clinic if your hair is falling. none of his remedies work. i have 2 friends who have invested in dr batra and all they have lost is more hair stressing about how they are gonna come up with money to buy all their expensive products.

i mean i know its very difficult to look away from the face and try and find out what kinda person he or she is. i mean unconciously even i judge people based on their looks all the time. and the fact that if a person is really good on the inside, it shows on their faces…you know..inner beauty on their face. but try you know. make an effort.

even i obsesses about my weight about my hair , my skin , my clothes but i dont let them rule my world.

i draw a line.

i become concious. i tell myself that now ive thought enough about myself and now its time to dedicate my remaining energy on other issues in my life.  and look in the mirror, make a pout and tell myself that iam one of the prettiest things on earth. that helps.

and on a bad hair day wen i know iam looking ugly. i just dont look in the mirror.

anyway

this post has gotten tooooooo lecturey and now id better stop.

ok.another example of how love is blind is.

1. take another look at your parents. are you sure your dad(with a big pot belly) is cute ? or your mother with a huge behind is hot? but do you ever notice? no ? right?

2. take another look at your best friend.

3. take a look at ur bf/gf. are u completely sure they arent NOT ugly? but do u care? no? right? why? because you love them and in love these things just dont make an iota of a difference .

4. take a look at your favourite teacher.

5. take a look at yourself. you love yourself the most. are you sure you arent Fudge ugly?

take care.

bye.

k.

the post about the embarrassing music lesson ?? i was 13 at tht time! not an adult!!!

just to clarify any doubts!!

k.

before i forget these stories and my brain sends them to the recycle bin id better write them down in the cyber space. you see for those who dint know im a trained classical singer. yes. accolades to me. by trained i mean ive studied music for 3 years and given 2 exams and passed with flying colors. this was in class 11 but wen i came to class 12 i gave it up to ‘study properly.’ but got sucky marks anyways cuz i cant do well in math to save my life. well not tht sucky cuz iam brilliant. sorry for blowing my trumpet there for a bit. it was so tht my self inflicted jhandu bam got neutralized. jhandu bam also known as popat, katta, diss,insult. etc.

except for one time in class 9th wen i got 20/20 in my unit test. it was a test on similar trianlges and i dont know how the hell i got full marks.

my parents were on cloud 7 and tuition teacher who was from dhanbad in bihar(but i confused it with baghdad always even though he told me thousands of times that he wasant from there but i still asked him once in a while. ive forgotten his name now. i really liked him. he was nice and he never screamed at me. even wen i got 27/100 in math.he had green eyes and thats all i remember about him now. see? the process of deletion of vital childhood memories about him have already begun)

yes. after that background info on my teacher ill tell you what he did for me

he got me as a reward 20 rupees wale green kurkure. called chilli chtaka. and i had it while he taught me that day.

i just rembered that i always had EXTREMELY (sorry to use such extreme word) UGLY math teachers. from since forever. from childhood i mean.

yeah so coming back to my original story.

as i was saying tht i started classical music in class 9. under the auspicies of a lady whose name i have forgotten. obviously now ive forgotten everything i evre learned.

so she used to come everyday to my house at about 4 thirty, wake me up rather drag me from my bed where i used to go to sleep immediatly after having lunch and teach me music.

along with me my sister nandini aka nandu bail, nand kishore, nandi, dr.gandi, maharaj sahib etc and my brother abhay aka gaglu, belu, oobes goobes, juggles buggles, abbu etc also learned to strum the note with me and aunty.

later on i also bought a guitar and used to go the auntys house to learn it from her daughter who was a major music freak and and knew kathak, singing, tabla and guitar among other things. i also performed in a band thingy with my group and felt like a mini rockstar. so i colored my hair red to support my look . and did other stupid stuff.

ive been doing stupid stuff since forever. like once wen i was about 11 i guess or maybe 10 i used to watch buffy the vampire slayer. also wen i was 10 i used to come home at about 2 thirty and dot at 3 i used to open the tv, suck my 2 middle fingers , twirl my hair with my left hand sit on the dining chair and watch baywatch. i looooved baywatch. and it was strange that my mother dint say anything. i was a major tv freak when i was a young girl. although i cant deny tht im not one now but still at that time the craze of tv was crazier. yeah so i thought i was a vampire and i used to sit outsede the bushes in my colony and show my teeth and make weird noises at people who were enjoying their after dinner walks.

and also i told my best friends mother that she looked like a doberman when she smiled.

yeah so i did stupid stuff.

haan, so once as usual i was sleeping on my bed and i had forgotten that i had a music class that day. and i was sleeping without any underwear beneath my skirt. i dont know why i did tht but i guess it was because of the heat cuz it was summers at that time.

and i was sleeping under the fan and i hadnt taken a sheet to cover myself

so it happened tht wen my music teacher came along with her daughter i was sleeping on the bed with my skirt up on my face and my butt in her face.

yeah so i was lying on the bed on my stomach and she and her daughter saw my butt!!

it was right there!!

in front of her face.

obviously she dint giggle but her daughter buffalowed like there was no tomorrow.

i got up and was sooooooooooo embaressed tht i wen into the bathroom and cursed the almighty a lot about why he made butts and why were they so funny and why could we not just have a body tht did not need to have a butt.

and also cried a bit.

wen i came out propoerly clothed aunty was sitting on my bed with the harmonium and i just couldnt look into her eyes. i sang all off track but she dint scream at me like usual cuz she could see my red face getting redder by the second.

wen she went away..i sat on the interent and searched for memory destroying devices that will smith and tommy had in men in black. those pencil things tht they just flashed in front of peoples faces and they forgot everything.

i obviously dint find anything.

so i watched some more tv to forget bout it.

wen she came the next time i was fully dressed and had sworn not to embaress myself ever in front of anyone but my plan faleterd wen i got hit by a basketball on my head the next day wen id gone out to play badminton with my friend.

yeah so.

tht was all i remember of tht story.

muah muah

ciao(chao)

k.

are u in school? cant wait to get out of the monotiny( is that a word?
) of school and teachers who tell you to stand at one arms length from
the girl/boy in front of you in assembly and asks for your math
notebook and then even checks it and screams at you if you havent
completed excercise 2.3 of permutations and combinations?

well…let me tell you all of you suckers about some of my favourite
words..they are:
1. gooblesmoochie
2. jackmoron(a combination of jackass and of course moron)
3. kunnabaina bhabhuji
4. pandora
5. coochie coochie coo

anyway,
so, here’s the thing…ENJOY YOUR SCHOOL DAYS WHILE THEY LAST BECAUSE
THESE ARE LITERALLY THE BEST DAYS OF YOUR LIFE!!  ask briam adams if
you dont believe me …he even wrote a song about it.

well, ok a coin always has two sides to it right…so college might
just turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you but this
post is about the pernicious side of college. >:(

so, ok…i would like to give you all some enlightenment about college
and strategies to save your ass AND face from the vaishi darindaes
that you will probably encounter there just waiting to pounce on you
and gobble you up! like NOM NOM NOM NOM

ok..so dont get scared now…have a mountain dew break.

alright, that’s enough break.

ok, so the moment your parents bid you farewell and you are all alone
with your room mates dont do the following:
1. hug your room mate and shriek “yay!!! we are going to be best
friends forever” …alright i know that all of you are thinking like “
wa?? i would never do such a stupid thing” but believe me you might
just surprise yourself and say something even worst than the above
illustration.
2. do not go for the color blocking fashion yet. its still in its
rudimentary stages and people in india dont even know about it yet.
for u fashion kaala akshar bhais barabar people color blocking is like
the newest thing in fashion which basically means wearing totally
unmatched clothes : color wise. like wearing purple with yellow or
something.
3. do not display any signs of weaknesses.
4. do not borrow anything from anyone for atleast 2 months of the
starting of college. specially not sanitary napkins.
5. dont do too much makeup. stay away from blush.
6. dont raise your hand in class for at least a month.
7. dont put mehndi.
8. dont talk too much about how great your school friends were or how
much fun you had or what all trips you went to.
9. even if there is a really hot guy in the college and you have a
mini crush on him , dont admit it.
10. if you already have a bf from school , dont mention about him to
your room mate or to anyone else for that matter.
11. dont sleep with your door unlocked
12. dont wear too much of bling or jazzy or bedazzeled clothes or accessories.
13. even if you watch sas bahu serials dont go gaga over them in the
college. wait for the right moment to admit you like soaps.
14. dont leave your underarms hairy.
15. dont wear bell botoms. please.
16. dont make fun of the weird kids even if everyone else is. he/she
might come in handy later.
17. do not i repeat do not get involved in the local gossip or take
interest in it.
18. dont have lice in your hair. people will immediately outcast you.
19. dont get over friendly with the opposite sex too soon. people will
talk about you,
20. always brush your teeth after you have onions and always check for
bad breadth.
21. even if your friend/ room mate is talking on the phone for hours
to someone dont ask them who they were talking to.
22. dont ask ” whats in that bag?” when you see someone coming back
from outside.

well…if you try all these tactics….you might just not get
categorized as one of the freak ass weirdos in college who everyone
picks on.
basically, just dont be too conspicuous.

and yeah, who ever told you that ” beta 12th tak padh lo, colleg mein
to masti hai” is a nutcase and college is no joke.

anyway.
goo buy.

k.

this was a really funny email i got…and i thought i should share this with the world!

these are profiles taken from shaadi.com<http://shaadi.com/> .These are

Grammar and spelling errors have no place in these profile description as everything is- Straight from the heart!

[watch out for the final few ones! English  lovers TAKE CARE]
In brackets r my comments…….
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello To Viewers My Name is Gundumani , I am single i dont have male,If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalore . if u like me u welcome to my heart… when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter..

Thanks

yours Regards ~*~

(Truly yours)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework

(What Homework??? i think..she means house work…hahahha)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.
I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ……..hold my hand forever !!!

(The dilwale dulhaniya effect..please someone make friendship with her.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am simple girl. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck. Now i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot

(I don’t know why but this is one of my favorites…she should watch luck.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast

(by not wearing his jeans? What the hell…)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would be called the man of the lamp

(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants) Infact she doesn’t know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok

(I am again clueless but I liked the use of ‘ok’. The person is Suffering from ‘Ok-syndrome’ kind of reminds me of our criminal law teacher.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father & Mother. sister completely married

(somebody please explain how to get married completely’?)
( Confused ????? )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes

(Height of desperation! check out the spelling of please. and please someone marriage her.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam kanandevi. i do own businas.one sistar.he was marred.

(No comments…hahahhahahahahah)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.
i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good’. i expect the
good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other
caste accepted …

(but credit cards not accepted..???) (Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit’s??????? Is there anything like that. probably someone who doesnt pick his nose or scratch his balls or take gujju(ear wax) out of his nose. or scratch his butt. ive seen police guys doing all of the above. )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social service.

(Zebra..???)
(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color)

k.

today is the day i celebrate. we dont have scary setia’s afternoon class tomorrow which is a blessing for me as i havent made my project one little bit. although i did try to study a little in the class today in the break but later gave that up and had a samosa in the cafe. these days ive given up trying to calculate how much calories i eat throughout the day as i really cant diet and excercise! i had been trying to do that lately, going to the gym and all…but when i go there i always end up playing with the excercise ball or seeing other people huffing and puffing and dont do much about myself. and eating part, yes i was trying to watch what i eat but then i just gave that up as i like eating uncle chips and momos and spring rolls much more than i enjoy eating an apple or nothing. just emptyness in my stomach. i hate that feeling.

i mean whats the point of doing all this when you can have lipo done? oh btw…i once saw a video of fat being sucked out of a womens leg …it was really disgusting..and one of my friends uncle died of liposuction (he got an infection) but im still wiling to risk it.

plus, i already have a boyfriend who is too scared of me to even suggest that i should loose weight.  so my plan is to just keep eating till my heart content till i save up enough money for getting lipo or gastric bypass surgery done.

basically i want to loose weight because:

1. i dont want to big belly hanging out of my dress when i get married in paris. and return to india to have my hindu marriage done at the kings palace in jodhpur..near suzies house where apparently a cup of tea with the king costs you 50 thousand rupees.

2. i want to do para gliding and bunjee jumping. i cant possibly do that in a suit. il look pretty stupid.

3. i want to relax and soak up the sun in hawaii or goa for that matter and i dont want to be the only one there whos lying down on the beach wearing a salwaar kameez while the rest of the girls brigade frolic around in bikinis. oh my god yes…i once saw mahi way on tv wearing a swimming suit…it was a scary site.    very fat people should just NOT wear skimpy clothes.

4. so that i can eat more ; all the things i want without thinking about weather its gonna go to my face or butt or arms or stomach. sometimes when im eating uncle chips chacha ka chinese flavour (20 rupees wala from our cafe, that ullu doesnt keep 10 rupees wala packet so i have to suffer and have that huge packet) i can just feel the fat going straight to my butt and when i get up to check it out in the mirror , my butt does seem bigger so then i promise myself that i wont eat dinner and then i dont but the moment the clock strikes 12, i start feeling hungry, think of eating an apple, eat an apple, continue feeling hungry and then just make a packet of top ramons or maggie, eat that and feel that going to my arms, but eat it anyway. i  just want to enjoy the food without feeling guitly. like chocolate pastries, hot chocolate fudge, pakoras and sweet sweet tea, chips anytime anywhere although i must add here, i prefer kurkure to chips.

5. ok i just read what id written till now, and i really think i have a problem! my god!! i have rambled on and on about food!! well whatever.

6.so that i can stand next to suzie without feeling like an elephant.hehe.

but anyway…im not THAT fat so i think il live till i get enough money for the surgery and then become all hawt hawt hawt for my wedding. cuz a girl just CANNOT look fat in her wedding fotos. its a big no no.

ok..till now…whatever i have written does not concern what the title suggests…so ill expound on that a little bit..

has anyone seen rules:pyaar ke superhit formulae? doesnt milind soman look hot in that!!

right now my top hot actors are:

2.salman khan    1. arjun rampal(hes half dutch and sooooo hot)

so anyway, the thing is wen u want to patao a guy..its pretty simple…you just follow these simple rules.

suppose you like a guy who everyone likes..like all the girls are after him..so then what do you do? well..frankly i dont know either…but here are some things I THINK (probability are) that might work.

from personal experience, i had a major crush on this one really loser guy in my school bus, and although i liked him a lot, i always pretended to hate him,…giving him ghastly looks when he rapped along with eminem or jumped around the bus like a monkey or said “coolness” to every other second thing said to him. but all i wanted him to do was to notice me frowning at him and muttering under my breadth. but there was this other girl in my bus who liked him, tanya, and she sat with him at the back seat and laughed as he jumped from one seat to another. it was pretty stupid though. so i dint have any other choice but to keep making faces at him.

but one day, he poked me accidentally in my eye and i took out my frustration on him and called him an ‘asshole’ and screamed that i hated him but in reality i was feeling pretty happy about being poked in the eye by him as i got to talk to him.  i know.pretty sad.

but then from that day onwards he started taking notice of me and apologized to me every day and in school stopped singing ‘bhoot hoon mein’ whenever he saw me and i got to hear from one of his friends that he thinks that im pretty.

but then one day  he farted in the bus, thinking that it was funny…and i got over him. yuck.

so here is the first rule:

1. do NOT fart in front of the person you like.

for the rest of the rules..you will have to wait another day girls.

this post and the subsequent one relates to

‘how to get your man.’

if you want i can also expound upon ‘how to keep your man from going astray’

lemme know ladies.

till then..

cheers.

k.

Have you heard “baby baby” by Justin bieber? Its awesome isn’t it, im listening to it right now. The one which features ludacris. It makes me want to jiggle my shoulders. Ive noticed that different music or songs makes me want to move different parts of my body. For example, ‘your love is my drug’ by kesha (that artist who looks dirty no matter what she wears, its kinda sexy though) makes me wanna pout my lips. And ‘billo’ by imran khan makes me do pelvic thrusts, and ‘tokoyo rush’ makes me do numerous kung fu moves(or atleast I think they are) and the list goes on.

So have you ever wondered what your life might be if you resembled Katrina kaif or for guys hrithik roshan (have you seen the bone structure on that guy? It looks as if carved out by the goddess of beauty herself)

Life seems pretty good right?

I think that I would get bail of even kasab if I walk through the court room looking like that and flash a piece of my long legs to the justice(I really hope this is not contempt of court :S). btw kasab is dead. He was hanged to death(or is it hung?) and was convicted under like 8000 charges.

But reality check guys, we aren’t them..and anyways even they aren’t them. Kats had like a boob and lip job done and hrithik well….he looks constipated like hell and cheated on his wife with Barbara modi and poor thing used to stammer and has two thumbs.

Ok, all the above probably doesn’t cut out their awesomeness but still….well they still fart and poop like us and have crap in their noses and bad breath, so yeah. They are human all right…just a little bit lucky I guess because they utilized their talents to the best of their abilities and understood what they were all about and did you know introspection. What am i?  they answered that question man. Kat utilized her beautiful face, her long shiny legs and her heavy bosom cuz she cant really act. But she sure can shake her junk well. Have you seen how hot she looks in ‘zara touch me’? even saif was turned on although he was acting and probably had a spot boy two feet away from him to turn him off.

And hrithik had the talent of acting and he tried to chisel that out of himself. And he chiseled his hot bod too pretty well I must add. Except for that garbage bag pants he wore in ‘luck by chance’ which made him look shitty.

So there goes, kat did INTROSPECTION and so did duggu. What am I all about man? Recognize yourself and do it now!!!

Do you wear really big shocking pink earrings and carry a hot red bag when you got to college? Do people make fun of you behind or in front of your face? Are you not cool enough for them? Are you just shunned because you decided to follow your heart and your heart tells you to be fabulous and wear a purple wig today? Who defines ‘coolness’ anyway?

Or maybe people don’t like you because you make up stories about yourself your family and are a compulsive liar? Or maybe you like to sleep with many guys and people refer to you as ho? Or perhaps you are overly emotional and cry at the drop of the act. Or maybe you know you are not funny.

Do you think that you are not worth it?

Well, I think today is the day that you say “**** you” to these ‘people’ cuz that’s what they are ….they are just people …there are tons of them around….but you ..you are ‘special’. You don’t go by the rules of the society, you make your own rules cuz you know why? Because you are SPECIAL and for extraordinary people ordinary rules just wont work.

So don’t be shy to colour your hair green or get a tattoo of a butterfly on your head or your butt for that matter. Do crazy stuff. Do what your heart tells you. Like what morpheus told neo …..free your mind……

No one is talent less and no one is ‘weird’. We are all gods children and we are all equal man. And anyone who says or tells us or makes us feel any different from what we are..and that my friends..is ‘special’ is a big time loser and coward.

So go ahead and wear mismatched clothes like me. I like my colours like that ok people?? I don’t think that red only goes with black..im gonna wear it with orange and so just deal with it.

And if you have a problem with that then go and talk to your shrink about it. Im sure they have drugs for that now.

Here are some things which came to my mind…

1. you are ugly. You have a piggie nose or are as black as the night. ………..learn yoga. People will pay you shitloads of money, respect you, thank you, and wont at all care about how you look like.
2. you are fat and can never be thin……..be a spiritual leader, you don’t have to move much in that,,….just sit at a place and discuss about god and morals and expound upon our epics or holy books. Youll be on tv, and will have lots of money. And people will refer to you as their ‘guruji’ and practically worship you.
3. you are not funny……..at all………..be a painter. Look at Picasso, hussain or leo baby, or salman khan.
4. you are extra sensitive and cant control your emotions…pen those emotions down!! You have no idea how much people will pay to read sad stories and ‘heart touching stuff’ and since its straight coming from the heart ..itll be a cake walk for you.
5. you are overly dramatic…but not good looking…you can play the villan man. They don’t have to be heart stoppingly goodlooking or anything of that sort or even be good actors…you just have to be really angry all the time and look ghastly dramatic and have a scary laugh.(eg amrish puri=ugly and bad actor)
6. you  make up stories and lie so much..people are afraid to ask even ‘what time is it?’ …….you can be a script writer dude!! Or a story writer. Let your imagination

run!!

So you know man….just accept yourself and rock what you got.

Who said only perfect people have the right to live happily? What about us shitheads? Are we not allowed to shine?

Believe and have the courage to be yourself..and what is that? Different!!

Im with you man.

Muah!!!

k.

So law is basically a “cool” profession in which you wear smart black and white clothes, perfect for camouflaging fat for that thin look everyone aspires for, and go to regal courtrooms where you get paid to argue, which most people are rather fond of, and get paid tons of money if you are working in a law firm.

So , yes…why not law? Law is cool and you don’t have to study much to pass the exams. You can work hard but party harder thereby doing justice to the saying “too much work makes john a dull boy.” Or whatever the boys name is. Pardon my memory.

But everyone views it as an evil profession…well not everyone but most people, specially my grandmother who thinks lawyers are the devils advocate. Well..if we take examples of our own country’s great lawyer Mr. ram jethmalani, we might begin to have similar views as my grandmother. He, the supposed “great” lawyer is just a known face of justice doing just the opposite of what he is supposed to do. For example he has taken up unpopular defense cases such as defending the killers of former prime minister Indira Gandhi, people involved in market scams (Harshad Mehta and Ketan Parekh), and a host of gangsters and smugglers including the British citizen Daisy Angus who was acquitted of hashish smuggling after serving 5 years in jail. Recently he was in the news for taking up the defense of Manu Sharma, prime accused in the Jessica Lall murder case.

And this person has now his eyes on a seat in our political system. It will be a total breakdown of our faith in our democratic system if he is elected P.M. for which he contested against the then Prime Minister of India Atal Bihari Vajpayee as an independent candidate from Lucknow with the support of Indian National Congress but thankfully lost.

It is sad that the whole idea of law and its morals and the principles of justice attached with it is withering away with time and all that is left to it is the selfish motive of people who want to commercialize justice and treat is like a means to attain material wealth and not the golden concept of “nyaya” to which we all have a birth right as humans.

But it doesn’t mean all hope is lost, we can still make a change in our judicial system if we want to that is. Because believing in something and then actually carrying it out are two totally different things and to superimpose them together in a fashion which actually serves the purpose of justice is a rather difficult task. Like for example we all want justice, we believe in self righteousness and fighting for the truth but how often does it happen that we let injustice happen in front of our eyes or to us without raising our voices or just accepting it as a way of life. ??  And the answer to that is very often.

We as law students have the power in our hands to make a change , to free Justitia from the strangulating clutches of corruption, greed and self-aggrandizement that many have put her through. It isn’t just ignorance which makes the common man perceive law as a profession for liars and people who hide their true colors behind the veil of truthfulness serving for justice and salvation of those people who have been wronged and deprived of the human essences of life, justice being one of the main pillars of humanity as god intended it to be; no..it is the continuing clashes between truth and lies out of which most lawyers prefer to stand for lies as that makes them rich but only in monetary terms, which is so evident to everyone.

Therefore, it is time that we serve our laws for what purposes they were conceived for. And that is serving justice with truth and pride and abandoning all our desires for material wealth as no amount of money can ever enrich our souls and make us in the true sense “allah ka bande”.

We as law students and future students can and should take this profession for noble men as it was supposed to be, to its highest pinnacle of success and truly make it a profession to do welfare for all the aggrieved people and thus serving the will of God.

And if we achieve this, lawyers will be placed next to doctors and other professionals and social workers who serve mankind and will no more be viewed by the layman as the ‘devil’s advocate’.

Let us not be swayed by the illusion of happiness which we think will be optimum if we have huge bank balances by selling our knowledge and talent to the cause of injustice, let us all stand up against it and for the millions of people who deserve justice.

Let truth shine. Let truth win.

k.

rst of u people…this post is not for u!!

its for u!! yes u!! u lucky bday boy(dddddd-doing ur mom) heheh

so anyway

i just wanted to let u know…tht how much u mean to me…and how much this day means to be…the day u were born…the day although five yrs later from wen i was born..the day wen my life would change…!!

im so glad ur parents decided to do it 9 months before 21st of april!!

and im not gonna be cheesy and declare my undying love for u online like some VERY cornelious chesslious people..some we know(if u know wat im talking bout) and just say happy birthday!!

have a great..rest of the day…and plz know that this day marks a significant event for me..and hopefully some day..would be a day all would remember and celebrate…

ur awesome…and i <3 u just the way you are!

k.